i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
