I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
