thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
