i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
