Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize