No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
