don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize