What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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