Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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