drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
