We're facebook friends in real life
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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