dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
this hospital has no fireball
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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