Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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