Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
