So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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