at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
