I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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