just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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