no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
