im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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