Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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