do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
