you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
