they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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