I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
