Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
It's Friday. Sex?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
