I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
