so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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