They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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