I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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