Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
This beer is not sobering me up at all
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
