I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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