i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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