i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
