my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
