A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
