i used baking grease as lip gloss
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
