I just pynch a tree in the face
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
