maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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