so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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