well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
