Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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