Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Did you pee in the oven last night??
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
