haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
