She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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