I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
he laminated a picture of his dick.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
