Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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