Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
