Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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