I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
