What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
