I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
