I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
