Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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