Swine flu. Run for my life!
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize