I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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