Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize