Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
