high people should be assigned attendants
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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