I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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