i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Randomize
