You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
