Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
love makes seman taste better
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize