I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
