i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
