Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
