ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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