dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
