Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
