are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
