I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
