I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
