I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You smell like stripper and shame
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
