My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize