Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
