i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
