Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
