my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
