Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
