Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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