every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
