This girl is more easily done than said...
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
