My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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