Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
