I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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