How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm like, not good at living.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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