lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
