Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
